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Fun, Smart Caper Flick: Ben Affleck's "The Town"

Ben! Benny! Buddy! Where you been all my life? Well, I mean, I know you been starring in some kind of movies and such and that you even directed one before, but you know, I just wasn't so sure, you understand. Gigli and all that...

I mean, don't get me wrong, I always knew, or at least I had my suspectifications about you. But thems theys out there - you know who they are - they always thought it was Damon what was behind that Good Will Hunting thing. Me?! I knew it, Benny-boy. Oh I knew. I alway- OK. I'll come clean. I didn't know squat. Not a hint of a clue, my friend. But then, can you blame me? I mean, Damon was the Bourne frickin Identity - he could do anything. Spielberg, Scorsese. They all wanted to work with the kid. Meanwhiles there you are doin Pearl Harbor, no offence. But I'll shut my trap now, boy, and say all is forgiven. Cause believe me - if they didn't before, they get it now. Kid's got talent. I guarantee you that's what every producer in Hollywood is sayin now. They ain't doubtin who was behind that Oscar any more, no sir. Fact, I can't help wonderin how much that Damon kid really contributed. I mean, he starred in the thing - but you ... well I don't want to blow too much sunshine up your you know where...

Anyhoo I just wanted to tell you this Town movie. What a piece of work! You had me spillin my freakin popcorn all over the goddamn place, what with the tensions and the dramas and the whole thing had this great Boston authentification about it.  Really. You had this mood thing happenin and the cops and robbers and the whole thing. It was great,

just great. Alright, maybe you overdid it a little with the city patriotizing my nation thing. One less shirt with a big-honkin B for Boston on it, Benny, mighta been alright. But then Bruins jerseys always get me creased. (Go Leafs!) But otherwise ... Baby, you got it going on.

God bless your big old Affleck - nothin like a good bank robber flick that actually has a bit of the drama stuff to it. Even the frickin car chase scene! And they usually bore the crap out of me. It was exciting and it didn't go on too long or nothin! Oh and that leading lady of yours! Boy oh boy, Flecky, you sure know how to pick em. I'm tellin you, if they ever let me direct a flick I'd pull the same moves. The same moves. Gettin together the cast of cats you got. The guy from that Mad Men show to be the FBI guy, and then get that loony-crazy guy from The Hurt Locker to play a loony-crazy cause who knows what the hell that guy's capable. And then you pull that frickin rabbit out the old hat and go and get yourself that lovely girl we never knew till we saw that Vicky Cristina Barcelona movie, that girl that was so good I wasn't even watching Scarlett Johansson she was so good, that English girl. Rebecca something. Rebecca Hall (I got me an internet; I'm no dummy; I know IMDB), with those freckles. And that soap and water pretty face of hers and that clean honest, sweet thing that she is. Tell me, what guy wouldn't want to protect that for days! And can she act! My word! She's so good when she cried I was frickin crying all over the goddamn seats and my old lady's gettin all embarrassed and pullin out the kleenexs and all that. And then you - this guy - you you go setting yourself up to do them love scenes with her, and you've all buffed out and you got that pull-up scene. I myself, I seen better days but if I was every gonna star myself in a movie like yours, boy I'd get me into some real 80s action star sort of shape too. Oh you better believe it. I'm be fightin lean too.

I'm shakin my head at you, Benny-boy, shakin it good I am so impressed.You Affleck boys.

For a minute there I thought it might just be your kid brother. 

Regards and all that jazz,

PS Do me a favour? Don't do any more Michael Bay movies, alright?